My friend Adriana (of ) and I have a lot in common, including that we both have relatives in Hawaii. A few months ago she asked if I might join her in Honolulu to help her declutter her aunt’s apartment. Who could turn down an invitation like that?! Upon investigation, it turned out that her aunt and my cousins not only live on the same island, they are a 15-minute drive from each other. So this trip felt meant to be.

Now with the apartment decluttered, Oahu explored, and surfing (poorly) attempted, I’ve returned to the sanctity of the Temple. June was a relatively quiet month in my house, with 5 out of 7 roommates traveling for some portion of it. The only major event to discuss is a long-awaited addition to the household: Cat Kyle!

(Some readers have asked why his name is Cat Kyle, and if there is a Human Kyle. There is a Human Kyle, and it is very important to differentiate between the two when saying sentences like “Kyle was in my bed last night!” We’re not trying to start unnecessary drama here.)

It is very tricky to peacefully introduce cats to each other, particularly when they are adults. You first have to ensure that all parties have a safe, comfortable home base, then be extremely patient and deliberate with your intros. Our best attempts are outlined below, along with a nice nature update from Todd!

But first, a thank you to my paid subscribers. This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats maintain their lavish lifestyle.

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Todds and Ends

Nature correspondent Todd is back to share with us about some of the most common snakes on the property.

This northern water snake, spotted near our cafe, found a cozy spot to sun herself to warm up from the cool nights. Water snakes’ favorite habitats are damp areas around ponds and wetlands, and they especially thrive directly in water. They can feed underwater as well as on land.

This garter snake was sunning itself just a few steps away. The northern water snake, common garter, and milk snake are the three most common snakes we have on the property.

Do not read this paragraph if you don’t like the idea of swimming snakes. Snakes can swim in general and some are very adept underwater. Others (such as a rattlesnake) will swim on top of the water. Water moccasins, however, can feed (and bite!) from underwater. Water snakes (which are harmless) sometimes get mistaken as a water moccasins (which are venomous) because they can flatten their bodies and head to make themselves look more formidable.

It is common to find snake skin molts around the property. They will use course surfaces or branches, etc., to literally pull themselves out of their old skin because they are growing in size.

Can Cats Become Friends in Less than One Week?

Before we get into this drama, it’s important that you meet the cats cast of characters:

As regular readers will know, Jake and Finn have settled beautifully into our busy household over the last six months. They get along well with roommates and visitors, and Finn seems to enjoy punching every dog he meets. Everyone’s been happy. (Except, possibly, the dogs.)

When Elena knew she’d be bringing Cat Kyle into the fray, we were both nervous about how everyone would get along. We started planning a good, slow introduction until everyone was comfortable with each other. The only problem was that Elena had just one week before she’d be heading out for a long weekend, and I myself would soon depart for two weeks in Hawaii.

So we were hoping they’d get comfortable fast.

Act One: The Arrival

Cat Kyle arrives on Tuesday, June 2nd after an exhausting two-day journey from Wisconsin. Finn greets him with hearty growls as he is carried to his room upstairs. Jake hides under the bed for several hours.

We are off to a fantastic start.

On Thursday and Friday we have some promising meet and greets through a baby gate on Elena’s door. Cat Kyle is scared and hisses a little from his bed, but otherwise his body language is relaxed, playful and rolling around. Finn is chill AF about the entire scenario.

We move the baby gate from Elena’s door to the top of the stairs so that the cats can safely interact at night.

Saturday, June 6 | 4:02 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

I awaken to utter cacophony: banging, pounding on the stairs, and screaming the likes of which I've never heard from a cat. Expecting carnage, I run into the living room pantsless to see which cat has been yeeted from the balcony Mufasa-style.

At the top of the stairs, Finn and Cat Kyle are banging on opposite sides of the baby gate. It turns out the unusual screaming is Elena-- oh thank god.

Cat Kyle has barfed. Finn is looking quite proud of himself. All parties are locked in their respective rooms, where little sleep will be had.

Act Two: The Détente

A quiet tension envelops us as we brace for the possibility of more middle-of-the-night confrontations. Cat Kyle enjoys receiving human visitors, but has no desire to leave his room. Jake, now realizing there is, in fact, a cat upstairs, is desperate to make friends with it.

Elena would like Cat Kyle to get comfortable in the rest of the house (outside of her room), but time is working against her as she is about to leave for a long weekend. We spend several lunch breaks with Jake and Finn locked in my room to try to give CK the opportunity to peacefully explore.

“No thank you,” says Cat Kyle.

Elena leaves on her trip, and I have a few days with the boys before I leave on my own vacation. Perhaps having an upstairs cat and two downstairs cats isn’t so bad, I think.

Act Three: A Happy Ending?

Two weeks later, I return home to delightful news: The cats are mostly ignoring each other.

This is actually ideal; everyone is comfortable in their own territories. And even better than that, Elena informs me that Jake and Cat Kyle had a very sweet interaction through the gate, during which both of them were purring.

“Yeah, Jake definitely gives off a different energy, and Cat Kyle can tell that he just wants to be friends. Whereas Finn’s vibe… well, it isn’t mean, but it’s a bit more… uh…”

“Fuck around and find out?”

"Exactly.”

We’ve decided the boys are ready for a lovingly supervised face-to-face meeting, but readers— it hasn’t happened yet. I just got home Sunday night. We will find time soon and I will of course provide updates.

Wishing you all the best until next time.

Secondly, when this publishes we will be T-minus one day from the arrival of Cat Kyle. Will he and Jake be besties? Is Kyle tough enough to show Finn who’s boss? Doubtful, but I’ll keep you apprised of all developments.

Lastly, to my amazement, June 9th will mark six months of me living at the Temple. It really has flown by! Honestly, the transition has been smoother than I could imagine. Below I share a bit about what’s been great, what’s been a mess, and what I think would surprise you the most.

But first, a huge thanks to my paid subscribers! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle.

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What’s Going Great

Last December, it felt like I went to sleep in one world and woke up in a completely different one. From the hustle and bustle of New York City to the serenity of the snowy Catskills, it’s hard to imagine a more dramatic contrast.

Add to that 1.) a new job after two years of not working, and 2.) six roommates after years of having my own place, and that makes for quite the transition.

And you know what? It’s going great. I’d been here many times before and had a good idea of what this life would hold for me. I knew I could handle the adjustment, and really my only anxiety was around whether my cats would be happy.

They freaking love it here. Worries: Assuaged ✅

When I moved, I knew I was leaving behind the convenience, entertainment, and 24/7 public transport of the city, but none of that mattered as much as leaving the friends and community that I’d built over the last twenty years. But living at retreat center, a good number of those friends might come up for a stay on any given week. I’ve been able to see many of them since I moved and, in that way, that makes it feel like I haven’t left anything behind at all.

So the cats are happy, and I have a rotating cast of friends making cameos every week. And I’m happy with the work I’m doing in promotions. It’s meaningful to me, I’m having fun picking up new skills (guys, I’m so good at Canva now), and I love the people that I get to work with.

And of course it’s beautiful up here. After months of the ground being covered in snow, when the temperatures warm and everything starts coming back to life, it is truly magical… The birds, the flowers, the chipmunks, the BABY GROUNDHOG I SAW THAT WOULD FIT IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND…

And while the schedule of work and rotas can be quite demanding, since taking time off for a retreat in April I’ve been able to get into a much better groove. My personal meditation practice has gotten much more consistent, and my friends in Queens didn’t have to kick me out of our online D&D campaign after all. (Who’s going to heal your party if you lose your cleric, nerds!)

What’s Not So Great

While my new life is off to a great start, I haven’t figured everything out yet. Or it might be more accurate to say that there are things I’m actively procrastinating rather than figuring out. I’m still navigating the new territory of:

1. making only $285 a month

2. lacking transport

3. my own psychological response to those two things

The Money Thing

As for the money, it’s not a terrible issue yet, but it will be hard to sustain. I’ve of course cut back on every frivolous expense, as well as many of the essentials (e.g. I found a cheaper cell service). But I have two cats, and their food and litter alone eats through most of my $285 a month.

I carefully adjusted their diet before I moved here, working in the cheaper Fancy Feast and working out some expensive Instinct. Should I wean them off of the Science Diet food? Maybe. But would that make Jake barf more? Probably. Would dry food be cheaper still? Sure, but any vet will regale you with the benefits of a wet diet.

When I adopted Jake and Finn, it was an unspoken promise that I would give them the best life I possibly could. So I don’t see that expense reducing much, and that means that if any other single thing pops up (which it often does), I’m in the hole for the month.

So the little bit of cushion that I have is slowing getting chipped away each month. Which honestly just makes me wish I moved here sooner, when I still had a flush savings account!

Again, I do get free room and board, so my essentials are covered. I don’t really need anything at the moment. (Knock on wood.) So if I have the opportunity to go to Walmart (which is kind of a peak outing here in Glen Spey, let me tell you), I have this internal debate with myself about whether I should indulge in a $5 coffee creamer when I don’t need it.

Not having the money for a little treat is something I haven’t had to think about in my adult life, but it also places me right in line with the majority of other Americans, and I’m very happy to learn and grow from the experience.

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The Transport Thing

Not having a car when I live in the middle of nowhere definitely shapes my life. There are a handful of people living here who have vehicles and would be happy to either drive me places or loan me their car (sometimes for a small fee). But that means that I have to ask them, which is directly related to:

The Psychological Impact Thing

Having to ask for transport is enough of an extra layer that I’ve been procrastinating things I need to do to take care of myself, like going to the dentist (still haven’t found one) or dermatologist (ditto) or gynecologist (also ditto). Through Medicaid, those are all things that would be free.

So I’m procrastinating these free medical things, but what about the stuff that actually costs money? Where I’m doubly paralyzed due to lack of car plus lack of funds is making a vet appointment, because I know that Jake’s regular echocardiogram for his heart murmur plus likely-needed dental work could cost more than I make in a year. So I’ve definitely put that off longer than I normally would have.

(As recommended by a friend, I’ve emailed a local vet clinic. They responded that I should call them, which is another thing I’m currently procrastinating.)

None of this is insurmountable; I will reckon with each thing one by one. And I have some time off in June to do just that. Meanwhile, in the grand scheme of things, I’ve accomplished so much in the last six months and am not too worried about solving the above issues in the near future.

The Thing that will Surprise You Most

You might think that after a solid two years of having zero income, coupled with blowing through my savings and my Roth IRA, digging into my 401k early, and then taking a job where I make only $285 a month would wreck my credit score.

You’d be wrong.

Obviously, there are many factors that go into this, and I’m not saying that it’s fair, that it makes sense, or that I can sustain it with my current income. But the number one reason for this (tied with luck) is that I’ve had a life-long fear of being in debt.

In my 12th grade economics class, my ears perked us when Mr. Bilsky (5-star name right there) told us that if we ever took out a loan we could pay back more than the minimum required each month. That had never even occurred to me as a possibility, but Bilsky explained how it would save us tons in interest payments and dramatically shorten the life of our loan.

This was very exciting news to me, a kid who never wanted to owe anyone anything.

I filed that info away for later use, conveniently just before I went to college. My parents didn’t help me pay for school, so I went to a SUNY (the least expensive option) and worked multiple jobs throughout my time there while taking out the minimum possible amount of loans. I had a work-study as an office assistant. I doled out popcorn at a movie theater and folded towels at a spa. I gardened for a professor. I stayed on campus and painted dorm rooms during summers.

I graduated with a little less than $10k in debt and made double payments so that it was gone in five years.

And aside from a brief stint in New Jersey (shh, don’t tell anyone) where I owned a home and a car… I spent most of my adult life in Queens where I could never afford to own a home or a car. Which is great news for your credit score! Because in addition to having a solid history of paying your bills on time, the main thing that they care about is that you have a favorable credit-to-debt ratio. Not owning a car or a home = no loans = no debt = great credit score.

Is it surprising that you could have an “Exceptional” credit score while only making $285 a month? What’s going well or not working in your brand new life? Drop me a note in the comments.

Wishing you all the best until next time.

I came up for a weekend retreat in October of 2022, and the trees were at peak fall color. There were chipmunks everywhere and they delighted me so much that I asked my tattoo artist to incorporate one into a design I was getting in the near future. (I am sad to say that we ultimately excluded the chipmunks but, for what it’s worth, the piece turned out beautifully.)

But I digress. I did a lot of soul searching on that retreat, and spent a good amount of time hiking around in the woods. The Temple sits on 82 acres of beautiful woodland, and the trails are unlike any other I’ve been on. And not just because I had a sweet encounter with a doe on my very first outing.

It was largely because, having done my fair share of hiking, these were the easiest trails I’ve ever followed in my life. Not once did I have to backtrack in search of a trail marker. And these were no boring, flat, paved paths; they were interesting trails winding up and down gentle hills that had me tramping around tree roots and occasionally stepping on carefully arranged rocks in some of the damper parts.

But what really fascinated me is one special thing that made these trails so easy to follow: a miles-long carpet of lush green moss.

Having done my share of hiking, this was unlike anything I’d ever encountered. I had to find out who was responsible, and you’ll get to meet them below. But first, a huge thank you to my latest paid subscriber, Lisa! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle.

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A Brief Winding Journey

Asking around about the trails, I learned that an Eagle Scout had done a lot of work clearing them and adding helpful signage and color-coded blazes. A quick Google search showed me that it’s been 12 years since Jared completed this work as a part of his Eagle Scout project, which was a wonderful upgrade for the center.

“Awesome!” I thought. “I’ll track down this (now 30ish) kid and interview him for my little blog!”

Well, readers, I traded some texts with his mom, but ultimately never reached Jared.

But do not fear! These trails have had many caretakers over the last dozen years, and I was able to chat with the man who’s maintained them for the last three years: Todd!

I won’t be including a picture of Todd here, but you can imagine him as the most interesting man in the world. He knows more about bird calls and water sheds and invasive species and conifers than anyone you’ve ever met. He has a luxurious beard, a warm smile, and has developed an immunity to poison ivy. (I am not making this up.)

“I don’t want to impose my will on the landscape,” Todd said. “I want to caretake and let it be what it wants to be. Then it takes care of itself.”

So how were the lush green trails created? Did someone meticulously plant miles of moss?

“No, when you clear the trail the moss grows like that.”

Oh.

“That’s how it is in the Catskills.”

But there is a lot of work that goes into keeping the trails clear. Todd spends up to 20 hours a week maintaining the five trails on the property.

“The Path of Accumulation is the longest. The Path of Preparation is the wettest. And the forest is always changing.”

Trees fall fairly regularly, leading to a domino effect of changes; the water shed moves, more light gets in through the canopy, and new plants and animals begin to thrive. Todd sees so much in his hours working on the property, even observing animal behaviors that “never” happen. He listed to me the types of woodpecker we have (pileated, hairy, red belly, northern flicker) and how only the northern flicker is supposed to eat from the ground, but he’s witnessed other species exhibiting that behavior.

“Animals don’t listen to what’s written about them,” Todd said with a smile.

That is pretty much where we left our conversation, but I hope you enjoyed hearing a little bit about the forests in the Catskills. And hopefully one day Todd will start a podcast (which he should obviously call the Toddcast— I claim all royalties), because I know we could all learn a lot from him.

Cat Update: It’s About to Get Real

Jake and Finn have had a fairly easy go of it since we moved in December. Everyone loves them and plies them with treats and toys. While I’m at work I get texts from people cuddling with Jake or rubbing Finn’s belly. Window watching here is a major upgrade from the city. Really, life could not be better!

BUT IS ALL OF THAT ABOUT TO CHANGE? In just one short week, a new member of the household is moving in.

His name is Kyle.

He is 13 years old.

He is a black and white domestic shorthair.

Now, Jake has some experience in getting along well with other cats. When I fostered kittens, he loved it.

Finn, on the other hand, has never been a fan of other cats. Thankfully, he and Jake learned to love each other. But when I’ve fostered other cats, Finn had a habit of maintaining eye contact with me while peeing directly on the rug.

He might not speak English, but “This is bull shit” came across very clearly to me. What a good little communicator!

I stopped fostering cats, and that was that. But living in a shared space, compromises must be made! Kyle’s mom and I are planning a slow introduction; there’s a large gap under her door where the boys can play together and not hurt each other. We’ll take our time and I will of course keep you apprised of their progress.

Wishing you all the best until next time.

Enter our US National Festival, which brought with it several hundred visitors to our Temple. This annual gathering brings together meditators from around the country for five days of teachings and meditations. It’s a great time to reconnect, meet new people, go deep into dharma teachings and see where your personal progress is. It is wonderful in all ways except for aiding me in maintaining my routines.

• Daily meditation practice: Gone

• Duo Lingo streak: Broken

• Last day off: 17 days ago (as of Tuesday)

While work has definitely ramped up, my schedule will even out again in the very near future. (And thankfully the NBA trained me well for seasons of 100% work and 0% personal life.)

More on this week’s shenanigans below. But first, a huge thank you to my paid subscribers! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle.. which this week involved living with me in a basement storage space!

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Before the Festival

I love the lead-up to a big event. It’s familiar territory for me, and I love seeing the bird’s eye view of how all the pieces come together to make it a success. And what makes these big dharma festivals even more impressive than your typical event is that they ARE ENTIRELY RUN BY VOLUNTEERS.

Having worked in professional sports, the restaurant industry, and digital design, it’s almost impossible to imagine any event happening where no one is getting paid, yet alone one of this scale. Yet here, everything from setting up the chairs, running A/V and livestream, live translation in multiple languages, running social media, cooking for several hundred people, to security, a medical team, photographers, baristas, bed makers, the teachers, the people who clean the toilets and take out the trash, etc.— it’s all done by volunteers.

Even after several years of attending festivals like this, the kindness and generosity required to make it happen blows my mind. Especially at this scale! While this event had over 400 people, international festivals can have up to around 4,000. And everyone has a great time doing the work.

One complication about being one of the people who live here, though, is that your room doesn’t really belong to you. It belongs to the Temple. And when the Temple is hosting several hundred people for an event like this, having a room to yourself is a hot commodity. Residents are expected to give up their single room and sleep in a dorm or camp in a tent, so that someone else who otherwise might not attend the festival can use it.

I first visited here in 2022, and definitely booked myself a single room for the weekend. It wasn’t during a big festival, so no one had to give up a spot for me. But at the time, I probably wouldn’t have come if I had to share a room. So I get it.

Four years later, I’ve done everything except camping. A triple with strangers? Sure! A dorm room where I get top bunk? You betcha!

Would I prefer a room to myself? ABSOLUTELY. But I’ve also gotten to a place where sharing for a while doesn’t trouble me. Study dharma long enough and you’ll increase your ability to enjoy all sorts of circumstances.

So I signed up for a dorm for the festival, and the plan was that the cats (Jake being my most anxious little buddy) would be able to stay put in the house while an old friend from Brooklyn stayed in my room. But as luck would have it, a spot opened up for me in the basement of my house. It’s a storage space within my housemate Jeannine’s bedroom, separated by a curtain. This pleasant surprise materialized the night before guests arrived for the festival.

Friday - Day One

• Festival job (social media-related) was off to a great start

• Having noticed my pants feel particularly snug, I turn down both raspberry pastries from my roommate and a giant cookie from a friend; my resilience knows no bounds!

• Worked approximately 9 a.m. - 10 p.m.

• Had a panicked moment where I thought Jake got out of the house, but it turned out he had just freaked out and hidden in someone’s bedroom unbeknownst to them

• Finn generally enjoyed flirting with the nuns and new residents of the house

Saturday - Day Two

• Worked 8 a.m. - 8 p.m., including a working lunch and dinner

• A friend was concerned for my well-being; I had to tell him I just hadn’t had time to put on makeup that morning and this is, in fact, what my face looks like

• Jake wandered down to the basement and spent all day there; both cats then opted to join me downstairs

• Feeling punchy (perhaps a little delirious) laying in bed at night, I wrote song lyrics in a Google doc about being 42 and living in a basement storage room with my two cats and a roommate and why won’t anyone date me?

Sunday - Day 3

• Had ice cream after both lunch and dinner; any diet can wait until I have a day off

• Work schedule slightly better, in that I got to talk to people at dinner and had some time off before a brief reconnoiter at 9 p.m.

Monday - Day 4

• Things wound down a bit as many off-site guests just came for the weekend

• Our house remained a bit of a zoo since the medical team was stationed in our living room and it’s early tick season

• Received periodic text updates from Jeannine of how long Jake has slept on her feet (the record is 3 hours)

• Had a conversation where it became evident that a nun knew more than me about trap music (but that makes sense because she lives in Atlanta)

• Enjoyed the time I got to spend in the office with a pug who’s in need of a lap while her parents are working

Tuesday - Day 5

• Crashouts: Zero

• Snacks: Copious

• Light at the end of the tunnel: In sight

The retreat wraps tomorrow and the cats and I move back up to our usual room. I should have a day off before the weekend— maybe even as you are reading this! Please think of all the nothing I might be up to at the time.

As always, I’m excited to hear your thoughts. Coolest volunteer event you’ve seen pulled off? Would you give up your space for someone else’s benefit? Tips for evading ticks? Let me know in the comments.

Wishing you all the best until next time.

In Buddhism, attachment, or uncontrolled desire, is one of the three root delusions. It essentially means searching for happiness in external things rather than finding inner peace. And when it comes to relationships, you might confuse it with love; but when you love someone, you want them to be happy. When you are attached to someone, you want them to make you happy. (And if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll probably see that almost all of our relationships are a mixture of love and attachment.)

Back to my friend’s theory, which I loved (and was not at all attached to)… First of all, he’s absolutely right. Most love songs are the singer wanting the other person to make them happy:

“I’ve hungered for your touch a long, lonely time.”

“Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming ‘round.”

“Pour some sugar on me.”

But I love a challenge, especially a musical one, and I think he’s wrong. (Sorry, Sumit!) There are a lot of songs about self sacrifice out of love.

Case closed. And I’m not even going to get into Boyz ii Men. But I still thought about it from time to time, and one morning I was rocking out to Sublime when it hit me… “What I Got” is actually the perfect Buddhist song. Further, it is so jam packed with Buddhist principles that I was shocked it took me so long to notice.

A musical love fest below. But first, a big thanks to my newest paid subscriber, Michael! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle.

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I feel like I need to start with a brief disclaimer that there is no indication that Bradley Nowell (may his memory be a blessing) was a Buddhist.

Now back to it. The Buddha gave many thousands of teachings around 500 BC. There have been many presentations of his teachings over the centuries, and the scholar Atisha’s is among the highest regarded in Tibetan lineages. Atisha managed to condense all 84,000 of Buddha’s teachings into 21 meditations. Talk about an efficient dude! Atisha’s presentation is known is the Lamrim, or the “stages of the path.”

Well, life is too short, so love the one you got

Precious Human Life is one of the first meditations in the Lamrim, in which we contemplate how just being alive as a human is precious, rare, and incredibly meaningful.

Buddhists believe in reincarnation, and that we’ve all lived countless lives— and not all of them have been a fortunate human rebirth. Sometimes we’ve been reborn as animals, and those lives are often short and incredibly difficult. And animals can’t engage in a spiritual practice! So by meditating on just how lucky we are to be alive, to be a human, and to have the conditions we need to meditate and study dharma, we develop a strong feeling in our heart that we must make the most of this incredibly rare opportunity.

‘Cause you might get run over or you might get shot

You know what the very next meditation is in the Lamrim? Death!

In fact, part of the contemplation is very similar to the lyrics here: “The lives of many strong and healthy people are destroyed by accidents.” You might get run over or you might get shot!

Many people have a vague awareness that they will probably die at some point in the distant future. Very few people wake up knowing that they might die on this very day. But if we do cultivate an awareness that our life could be taken from us at any time, it can add a profound meaning to every moment we get. It’s the other side of the Precious Human Life coin; we will be inspired to make the most of the life that we have.

Never start no static, I just get it off my chest

Bradley has no beef with anyone, and he’s found a healthy way to express his feelings. Don’t we all love a man who’s been to therapy? Not only that, but he’s also demonstrating the virtuous mental factor of non-hatred here.

Like attachment, anger is one of the three poisons that Buddhists work to completely eradicate from their minds. Not only is anger painful for us in the moment we’re experiencing it, but when we take actions out of anger, we create causes for our future suffering. Thankfully, Bradley seems to be navigating this beautifully on his spiritual path.

Take a small example, take a tip from me
Take all of your money, give it all to charity

You guys, Bradley is a straight up Bodhisattva… A friend to the world! Bodhisattvas practice the Six Perfections, the first of which is giving. (There’s also moral discipline, patience, effort, concentration, and wisdom.) We should give material things, dharma, and fearlessness (or protection). Bradley is focusing on the first of these here, an excellent example for us all.

Love’s what I got, it’s within my reach

There are many types of love that Buddhists try to cultivate as they grow their compassion. In the Lamrim, we spend a lot of time contemplating the kindness of others, and how everything we have in life came from others— from our food and our clothing to our smart phones and even our bodies. (Thanks, mom and dad!)

The more we think about how others have benefitted us, the more our love for them grows. We find ourselves wishing for everyone to be happy.

It all comes back to you, you're bound to get what you deserve
Try and test that, you're bound to get served

Karma, obviously.

Every action we take plants a seed in our mind that will ripen later, whether in this life or a future life. Positive actions will lead to pleasant experiences for us; negative actions, not so much.

Why I don't cry when my dog runs away
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my mom smokes pot
Hits the bottle and goes right to the rock

He really seems to have perfected a mind of equanimity and patient acceptance here, as he’s able to face difficulties without getting upset. Bradley isn’t disturbed by changing conditions, and he isn’t trying to get his happiness from other people. He has a lot of love to give, and it’s for all these combined reasons that this is my submission for Lowkey Best Buddhist Song of all Time.

I’d love to hear from my fellow nerds about your zaniest pop culture crossovers. And if you ever want to hear more about Buddhism as it relates to music of the 80s and 90s, please ask me about a class I taught in which I used a Wilson Phillips song to explain the teachings of Geshe Chekhawa.

Cat Update

Finn knows my roommate hates it when he’s on this counter. Ask him if he gives a single shit.

Jake has been working on his best Renaissance painting pose. I think he’s really nailing it.

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A lot has changed in my personal spiritual life since then, and as my journey progressed I met more ordained people at retreats and festivals, and I found that my opinion had completely changed. These nuns and monks were inspiring examples of selflessness, deeply committed to helping others. They had a lot of qualities that I admired and wanted to emulate more myself.

Enter Wangden (pronounced WONG-dun), who you will all have the pleasure of meeting below, where he shares a bit of his personal journey from Episcopalian tenor and IT guy to ordained Buddhist monk.

But first, a big thanks to my newest paid subscriber, Alex! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle.

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The First Monk Who Followed Me on Instagram

I’d been going to our meditation center in Brooklyn for awhile when the teacher there added me on Instagram and noticed we had a connection in common.

“Hey, how do you know Wangden?” he asked.

“How do I know who?”

Then he told me that there was an ordained monk in our lineage who was following my cats’ account on Instagram. [The account had inherited about 3,000 followers when I adopted Jake from Beth Stern, who is well-known both as a cat rescuer and for being married to Howard Stern.]

I immediately knew that Wangden was an awesome person with a discerning taste in his social media consumption. And when I finally met him at a summer festival in the UK, I walked up to him and said, “Hey! I’m Emily, you follow my cats on Instagram.” We’ve been friends ever since.

Wangden currently lives at our Temple in the UK and kindly agreed to answer some questions via email and share some of his photography.

A lot of people reading might not have met a monk or nun before. What is the biggest misconception about ordained life?

The strangest question I get is “what are you not allowed to do?” or “what are the rules?” People get the impression that ordination is a kind of prison where someone else is imposing constraints on your life. This came up last week when I was talking with some volunteers at the big center where I live now, and I explained that it isn’t rules imposed by other people, it’s promises I chose to make. One of them said “oh, like marriage,” and I think that was a pretty good analogy. I wanted ordination, I knew what was involved, and I took the vows voluntarily.

Sometimes people put us up on a pedestal and keep a little distance. I suppose that’s a natural response to someone being set apart in special robes, but I like it when people can just be normal with me. And all the best Kadampa teachers are like that—they behave normally. They have some extraordinary qualities, but they don’t put on airs.

Can you share a bit about your life before you were ordained? Were you raised Buddhist?

I was raised Episcopalian and Lutheran, but really I was raised associating religion and spirituality with love, joy, and peace. I think I was very lucky compared to a lot of people I’ve met. When I was little my mom would pray with me every night when she tucked me into bed, and I could feel what I now call blessings (the special inspiring energy from the holy beings) flowing through me.

Singing was a big part of my early religious background, too. Every Sunday we would get together with four other families and sing hymns for an hour or two. I was really excited to learn to read so that I could read the words of the hymns.

Other than religion I was… not exactly normal, but an ordinary kid in a lot of ways. I played soccer, rode my bike, went swimming in the summer and sledding in the winter, watched Mister Rogers and Scooby Doo.

I drifted away from Christianity in my late teens and early twenties. I was seeking something that it didn’t give me. I tried a bunch of different things and at some point realized in hindsight that I wasn’t Christian anymore. It wasn’t a sudden thing. And as an adult my mom told me she never expected me to stay with her religion. I think I felt that freedom on some level even though she never said it.

Is anyone else in your family ordained, or did you have any monks or nuns that you looked up to when you were young?

My maternal grandfather was a Presbyterian minister, and one of my uncles (his son) is an Episcopalian priest, still working at age 89. I think I was baptized by my grandfather, and I know my sister’s kids were baptized by my uncle.

My uncle introduced our family to an Episcopalian Benedictine monastery in southwestern Michigan that we first visited when I was 9 years old. It was about halfway between our town and the seminary he was attending, so our families would meet there and fill the guest house for the weekend.

That was the first time I saw any kind of monk in person, and I was deeply inspired. I remember that I thought the dark hoodie I wore in my fourth-grade school picture made me look a little like a Benedictine monk, and I was secretly very happy about that.

I visited that monastery again and again. When my parents decided I was old enough to take a bus there by myself, I started going on my own before I was old enough to drive. And once I could drive, I drove the three hours there as often as I could. I even did their summer program at age 16, living like a monk for several weeks.

I still visit that monastery when I can. I stopped by last fall on my way to Fall Festival. It was such an important part of my spiritual journey, and in my heart I really honor those monks.

What led you to take your vows? And can you share a bit about what your vows entail?

It felt like a long process, although it was only about year and a half from when my carpool buddy Barb said on the way home from class “During meditation tonight, I had a vision of you in robes” to when I actually ordained. As a tween and teenager I had been drawn to the Benedictine monks’ lifestyle, but later I wanted to find a partner who would help me heal my suffering. (I had very unrealistic expectations.)

So when Barb made that comment, I thought it would never happen. Later I received some signs that the Buddhas wanted me to ordain, but I went through a period of discouragement. Finally, a very short but powerful Vajrayogini retreat removed the discouragement, and I spent a month checking carefully. I discussed it many times with my teacher, and finally came to feel that if I didn’t ordain in this life, it would be the greatest tragedy I could imagine.

The main Kadampa website says:

Ordained Kadampa practitioners take ten lifelong vows, which encapsulate the essence of the full ordination as taught in Buddha’s Vinaya teachings. These vows originate from the Perfection of Wisdom Sutra and its Lamrim commentary, and are received through a special ritual guided by a qualified Preceptor.

This form of ordination is both meaningful and sustainable in modern society. It supports a deep spiritual life while being fully compatible with the contemporary world. In the NKT, monks and nuns have equal status and equal opportunities to study, practice, and teach.

For me the vows entailed a big challenge to my mental habit of self-criticism. For a long time I felt like I was not a good enough monk, and without my teacher’s encouragement I would probably have given up. It took years and years, but now I can say I’m happy with myself. I still want to improve, but I don’t hate myself for my faults anymore. Even now I don’t think I would say I’m a very good monk, but I could be wrong, and anyway I don’t mind. The main point is to continue on the path to enlightenment all the way to the end.

How old were you when you ordained, and did you have a career at that time? If so, do you miss anything about that career?

I was nearly 26 when I ordained, which was nearly 26 years ago. I had been working in IT at the University of Chicago, first as general desktop and network support and then as a UNIX sysadmin. I kept working there for another year before I went off to teach, and even then I did remote work for about another year.

I like the solving-puzzles aspect of IT work, and having to think things through logically. There are other parts I don’t miss, especially how often I got angry at work. But to be fair, if I were doing that job now, I would get angry a lot less. It’s not so much the job as my own mind.

A lot of the skills I used in that work have carried forward, and they’re currently very useful in the work I’m doing for Tharpa Publications. But IT was never my long-term plan. It was just a way to pay my rent until I figured out what I was doing with my life.

Were your friends and family surprised that you decided to ordain, or had they seen it coming for a long time?

I think a lot of them saw it coming. I know there were a brother and sister at my first center who made a $10 bet that I would eventually ordain. (I don’t know which one bet against it!)

I love learning the significance of ordained names, which are handed out randomly at ordination, but often seem to suit each person perfectly. What does Kelsang Wangden mean?

The card that came with my name said “Kelsang Wangden: Fortunate One, Possessor of Great Power.” Kelsang means “fortunate one” in this context, Wang is power, and den means possessor.

Wang is also the name for the power you receive in an empowerment, so I think it must have the connotation of spiritual power, not worldly power.

Do you still have any “secular” hobbies?

There are things I enjoy doing that don’t look spiritual from the outside, but I think they’re becoming spiritual for me. One example is cooking: I recently spent nearly two years living with my parents on and off when I wasn’t attending Kadampa Festivals or volunteering at a Kadampa Center, and I would generally cook the main meal of the day for them. I enjoy cooking. But Kadam Dharma teaches how to integrate spiritual practice into everything we do, so is cooking still a hobby if it’s part of my spiritual practice?

I like taking photos, and sometimes I share them on Instagram. I try to keep my eye out for beautiful scenes, like yesterday when I looked up and saw the way a tree swept up toward one of the taller parts of the building here. Is that a hobby?

What is your favorite thing about being ordained? And what challenges have you faced along the way?

My favorite thing about being ordained is maybe also the biggest challenge: it forces me to practice. For example if I’m talking with a good friend and connecting deeply about a meaningful subject, I have to be careful where my mind goes. It’s easy to develop a crush on someone if your thoughts go in the wrong direction. And if you let it grow like a fire, it can burn up your whole ordination. The big consequences mean I had to work hard at first, but that taught me a lot about controlling my mind. I noticed in January that my mind has become a lot more nimble about going in the direction I need to go and not going in directions that will just cause me pain.

Also, I can still have deep, meaningful conversations and rewarding friendships. My ordination just means that they’re a lot more pure than they were before.

For those who don’t know, lay people can take vows in Buddhism as well. They are looked at not as restrictions, but as a needed support to help you progress in your practice. Because it’s probably going to be a lot easier to grow your compassion if you, say, don’t murder.

For me, it feels like my vows are more about self-accountability. For example, it could be considered a downfall of my vows if I didn’t go to the assistance of someone in need, but there is likely no one in the Kadampa community who would notice that or hold me accountable for it.

As a monk, are your vows similarly about holding yourself accountable, or is there someone in authority checking in on you?

Most Kadampas understand that it’s a very rare person who can keep all of their vows perfectly. The rest of us need to purify and renew on a regular basis. And we need to distinguish between damaging and fully breaking our vows.

But it’s true that for monks and nuns there is an aspect of being in the public eye whereas most lay people can fly under the radar. Overall we hold ourselves accountable and work to improve over the years, but there are authorities who people can complain to if we do something serious. I’ve heard of some cases where the NKT management had to make inquiries, and sometimes had to tell a monk or a nun that they had broken their vows. I don’t think they check up on us all the time; it’s more like if something serious happens.

This reminds me of another thing that can confuse western people: most of us associate wearing religious garb with being in authority—for example a Catholic priest in charge of a local parish, or a minister in charge of a church. In the NKT, those people are called teachers, and they’re not even in charge of the whole place. The managers of a Center are in charge of the worldly side of things and teachers are in charge of the spiritual program.

Monks and nuns may be teachers and may not. Teachers can be lay or ordained. And teachers are definitely in the public eye, whereas some monks and nuns live very hidden lives and never really have to set an example.

Last question: Do you remember the first time you saw Jake and Finn on Instagram, and how has that irrevocably changed your life for the better?

I was following a lot of kitten-fostering accounts on Instagram as a relaxing way to train in affectionate love, and one day Beth O. Stern made a post saying that either Finn or Jake [EG note: It was Jake!] had been adopted by you! She gave the name of the Instagram account where you shared photos of them growing up, so I followed you from there. A few years later, your teacher sent me a message asking “how do you know Emily?” and I was like, “Emily who?”

The one time I was near them they both hid from me. Maybe someday I’ll earn their trust.

They’re a lot less shy after three months of living in community, and I’m sure they’ll say hi the next time you come for a visit!

Jake and Finn Update

We have enjoyed a rodent-free winter in our house, but a little mouse poo started appearing on our kitchen countertops in mid-March.

Long story short, the boys have killed their first mouse, and I learned that I have not perfected a mind of equanimity toward all rodents, living or deceased. My journey toward enlightenment continues.

Thanks for reading. Wishing you all the best until next time!

I wish I could have invited you all to my pickleball fiesta, but the next best thing I can offer is responding to reader questions below and sharing a sweet cat update. But first, as always, a big thank you to my paid subscribers! This newsletter will always be free, but those who pay to read it help my cats maintain their lavish lifestyle. (And also, their seventh birthday is just around the corner, so if you’d like to support in the installation of a proper cat tree, you know what to do.)

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Q&A

What is the social vibe like at a Buddhist temple? Are people unusually pleasant? Do you feel like you have to be extra nice to everyone just to fit in?

Well, it is definitely a change of pace from New York City! Outside of the retreats, which add dozens of people into the mix, there are around 30 people who live here full-time. There are some ordained sangha (e.g. monks and nuns), but it’s mostly lay people like me. And they’re all dope! Being surrounded by people who are actively working to improve their good qualities (e.g. their patience, compassion, and giving to others) generally makes life much more drama-free than any other place I’ve lived. Everyone is pretty chill.

That being said, do people still have petty beef with each other? Absolutely! We’re all human and, especially when living in close quarters, people have competing preferences and opinions about how things “should” be. But I haven’t witnessed anything that’s escalated, and it makes me wish that more people took the opportunity to live in an environment like this. Move in with a meditator (or five)!

As to the social scene, there is definitely not a lot of partying (unless you consider a puja a party!), nor even something as sedate as a viewing party for the Superbowl or the Oscars. There are no TVs, and there is no drinking on the premises. Most people share meals together in the main dining hall, then everyone heads back to their houses, each of which has its own vibe. Where I live, we are going through a bit of a chess phase. (I am undefeated, nbd.)

Do I feel like I have to be extra nice? Nope! I feel like I can be myself. The only area where I’m conscious of adjusting my behavior is in who I swear around, but to me that’s a normal part of life; I wouldn’t drop F-bombs around Grandpa Clarence, nor either of the resident teachers here… but with all of my housemates (and even a few select monks and nuns), I let it rip.

Work is so ingrained in our culture, it’s like the first question people ask when you meet them. What do you tell people you do now? And how does it feel when you get asked that question?

Well, living at a temple and having no car, everyone that I meet is either a Buddhist, or someone on a retreat who probably thinks it would be awesome to live here. I tell people the truth, that I do publicity for the Temple, manage its social media, online ads, flyers for retreats, etc.

So this conversation hasn’t really come up outside of friends, family, and like-minded people, but the answer would be the same, and I’m happy to share about my journey.

Did you already have a meditation practice before moving to the Temple? How has that changed, improved, or been disrupted even?

You might be surprised to hear how quickly my personal meditation practice bit the dust when I moved here!

If there’s anything that I lust for more than NYC’s public transit, it’s the free time that I used to have for my morning routine. During my excessively long funemployment period, I’d start most days with a trip to Lucille Roberts for some elliptical and weight training, then have a nice long sit on my meditation cushion. I’d do self-guided meditations that varied from 10 minutes to an hour or so, depending on what I was focused on. (Sometimes I’d do multiple sessions a day! *lusty sigh*) My practice was pretty consistent from summer ‘23 through around June of ‘25. That’s when my life trajectory got really unclear; I was caught in these insane interview processes that never seemed to go anywhere and, while I could continue to tap into my retirement account and give myself another year in New York, I had to ask myself, what for?

Since I moved to the Temple in December, I still haven’t gotten my meditation groove back. I meditate in classes and at pujas, but haven’t locked in on a good time for my own seated practice. Part of it is sharing a house with so many roommates; I no longer have mornings to myself and, even if I shut myself in my room, it can be pretty loud with five other adults and three pets moving around. And on top of that, I’m getting back into the swing of a full-time job that has lots of night and weekend commitments.

I’m trying to narrow in on my windows of opportunity. There is a meditation room outside of the Temple that I know I can take more advantage of. We get an hour for lunch, so there’s time then. Evenings can also be doable, if I’m not expected at the Temple for classes or pujas.

So, three months in, I haven’t quite found my rhythm yet! But I’m taking time off soon for a retreat of my own, and I’m hopeful that will set me up for success.

How has your perspective of city life changed since moving to the woods? Does it start to seem like city people are all just rushing around for no reason?

Having lived upstate for the first 22 years of my life, and then in NYC for 19 years, I enjoy what each has to offer. The city has diversity, never-ending food and entertainment, THE BEST PUBLIC TRANSIT IN THE WORLD (will still die on this hill), and just the convenience of being able to get anything you need at any hour of the day, likely within walking distance.

In upstate New York, and particularly where I live, in the middle of nowhere, there is the beauty of nature, the Temple, and… that’s pretty much it? I live in perfect retreat conditions with very few distractions. You kind of have to cultivate inner peace, because there is no way to distract yourself from your problems.

I don’t know that my perspective of those two worlds has changed much as of yet. And, to your latter question, I can’t say I notice a difference between the city people and anyone else so much as people who’ve been meditating for a while versus people who are here for the very first time.

I'm really interested to find out more about the rotations - who comes up with them? How do you keep track of where you need to be and when? It sounds complicated!

That’s a great question and, for anyone who missed the background on this, I wrote about it here. But in short, my list of responsibilities here include:

• a 9-5 job, Monday through Friday (also some nights and weekends)

• a 2-hour work commitment elsewhere on site (mine’s in the shop)

• lunch and dinner cleanup once a week

• cleaning an area of the property once a week

• Temple offerings once a week

• Temple security once a month (e.g. sleeping in the Temple!)

• Tsog setup or cleanup once a month

• Miscellaneous other things

We have a giant rota tracker (soon becoming an app!) that’s created by the deputy administrative director. Then there are managers responsible for each individual area. I know who manages most areas, but I’m not sure exactly who decides where our weekly cleaning duties will be (mine being the living room of our house), or where our 2-hour weekly work commitments will be. They always seem to need baristas, so I was surprised to be assigned to our shop rather than the cafe. But I’ve volunteered as bookstore manager for the center in Brooklyn and have some experience volunteering with their book shop at festivals, so I’m guessing that’s the reason behind it.

As for how I track it, I put it all into Google calendar. And I’ve still missed things a couple times! It’s just a lot to keep track of, but I’m getting better at it. I think… 😂 It can get confusing when there are multiple swaps.

How have you brought your corporate skills into your new environment? What skills work? What skills, not so much?

Clearly I could use some improvement with my personal scheduling! But honestly, the main skills I’ve carried throughout my career are organization, staying calm under pressure, and seeing projects through to completion. I put zero effort into staying calm here because there is no pressure (except for what I put on myself). But the organization and project management definitely come into play. There are so many moving parts to the publicity; with numerous events happening through the year, I’m managing multiple timelines for when we’re sharing on our socials, creating and distributing printed publicity, running paid ads on Meta (which on its own could be a full-time job), sharing in our newsletters, etc. And thankfully there are many opportunities for creativity within the managing of all that. And my design skills are quickly improving! I’ve learned a lot in the last few months.

Thank you all for the great questions! Now for a quick but important cat update.

Sky God Meghan and the Secret Best Friends Club

For a long time, Jake was quite scared of the upstairs residents of the house. In his defense, in his almost seven years of life, he’s never had to contend with humans descending from above. Any time that Meghan starting walking down to the first floor, Jake would sprint back into my bedroom and hide. So we started to warn him when the Sky God was en route.

But over the course of the last three months, Jake has really come out of his shell. He first warmed up to Jeannine, who fed him treats twice a day, religiously. Then he warmed up to Kelly. (This was also treat-related.) But that all pales in comparison to his new routine; when I’m not home, he sneaks up into Meghan’s room and cuddles with her in bed. He no longer fears the Sky God! (As long as he is the one climbing up to her, and she is not coming down the stairs, and also that the wind is blowing in the right direction and Mercury is not in retrograde.)

I think it’s fair to say that Meghan’s emotions have run the gamut from shock and disbelief to delight, because she had barely seen Jake for several months and now they have a secret best friends club.

Sky God has been unable to obtain photographic evidence of these liaisons, but I trust they look something like this:

Finn Update

We had a very cute dog visit last week, and Finn immediately tried to punch her in the face. (I’M SO SORRY, ANI!) Finn was promptly scooped up and returned to his room. You can view a video of him growling through my bedroom door here.

In that class, I raised my hand and said, “I find that easy when it comes to places and material things, but harder to accept when it comes to people and animals… because I don’t want to lose them.” And I don’t remember the teacher’s exact wording, but the essence of his response was that by not understanding or accepting that loss is inevitable, we only set ourselves up for more suffering in the future.

Queue my recent trip to visit family, which I will share below. And since you loved it in last week’s newsletter, I have another feature about a couple who lives at the temple. But first, a big thank you to my paid subscribers! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle. Since in my Temple job I earn $285 a month, my 14 paid Substack subscribers have given me the equivalent of almost three extra months of salary! I cannot overstate how much of a help that is.

If any additional readers would like to update to a paid subscription (perhaps as a present for my March 16th birthday 😉), you can do so by clicking below.

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Lessons from Vacation

After the Temple wrapped up six weeks of winter retreats, some lucky residents (like me!) got a week off to recuperate. I decided to spend a few days visiting family in the Binghamton area.

My grandfather Clarence will turn 92 in April. He’s still in remarkable shape for his age and is a fixture in my hometown, having been both a bus driver and a custodian at the high school for many years. He is beloved by so many generations of people, it seems like every time we leave the house he runs into a slew of fans.

We are especially close because he was a critical source of stability in my childhood. (And here’s your trigger warning to skip the next paragraph if you don’t want to hear about physical abuse, substance abuse, or family trauma.)

On more than one occasion, my grandfather and Sherry (my beloved step-grandma!) would come to my house and swoop me away from whatever chaos had erupted on that particular day. My mother is an alcoholic who has flirted with harder substances. My stepfather (also a drinker and occasional druggie) was abusive of her, and they both repeatedly cheated on each other… which would inevitably lead to more drinking and fighting. I’ve seen it all— people thrown down the stairs; my stepdad jumping on the hood of a moving car to punch in the driver’s window; a man I’ve never met before walking down the stairs at 7 a.m. and seeing me in my pjs, eating breakfast. Once a jaded girlfriend showed up on the front porch and shouted lurid details that proved an affair had happened. I was the only person home at the time.

Without my grandparents, I don’t know if I could be a well-adjusted human, and my grandpa Clarence in particular taught me many important life skills: how to drive, how to play Cribbage, and how maintain humility even if you are the (self-proclaimed) most attractive man in Broome County. The man is a legend. Ask him how he’s doing and he’ll say, “I’m getting better every day.” I’ve seen him have great 30-minute conversations with someone who’s dialed the wrong number.

And for being almost 92, he’s doing fabulous. Of course he’s had almost every health issue you can think of: diabetes, heart attack, stroke, bladder cancer, and prostate cancer. He unknowingly mispronounces the last of these as prostrate cancer—hilarious for Buddhists such as myself, for whom prostration is a sign of respect and humility.

Grandpa Clarence is in pretty decent health, but he did have a mini stroke during my visit last week. Did you know that you don’t even have to go to the hospital for those? They pass fairly quickly, and there’s nothing that you can do about them. My dear grandfather didn’t even notice it was happening, and continued to make smart-ass jokes through his slurred speech throughout the 15-minute process. He was passing items to me to set the dinner table and handed me two glasses of milk, slowly drooling, “Don’t… keep… both… Em!”

He recovered very quickly and did a great job at his physical therapy appointment two days later.

I don’t want to lose my grandfather. But at just shy of 92 years old, I know that he has more years behind him than ahead of him. And the best thing that I can do right now is cherish every moment that I have with him. I love that he beat me at Cribbage this trip, 6 games to 3. (We’ve been tracking our stats for years, and 2026 is looking like his best year yet!) I love how his face lit up when we were walking laps at the mall (as old people do) and I asked him if he wanted to play air hockey. I then destroyed him mercilessly at the arcade, and neither of us would want it any other way. As cheesy as this sounds, one of the most important things he’s taught me is that winning has nothing to do with the score. We both win because of the time and unconditional love we’ve put into our relationship. And now if I could just apply that to every single other relationship in my life, I know that when it’s my time to go I will die without regret, because I will have put my whole heart into everything I’ve done.

Speaking of putting your whole heart into something, here’s the next glimpse into the lives of people who live at the Temple.

Alejandro and Delfina | Married Nine Years

How long have you lived in dharma centers? We moved to KMC NY on September 1st, 2024 (almost two and a half years; time flies!). We’ve been very fortunate to live in a Dharma Center since then.

How did you meet? We met in January 2011, in a 15-day Computational Chemistry conference/workshop in Santiago de Chile. Alejandro was about to finish his PhD (in the USA) and I was half way through mine (in Argentina). During the conference we became good friends and then started a two year long-distance relationship until I started my postdoc in the Bay Area, where Alejandro was working.

How long have you been together? We dated for five years before getting married on April 1st, 2017. We will never forget the day in which we gathered with our family and friends in Santa Marta, Colombia to celebrate our wedding.

Best thing about living in community while married? We have the wonderful opportunity to make many wonderful friends. We also enjoy our meals and engaging in prayers and other activities with others. The community has become part of our family!

Worst thing about living in community while married? We realized we need to make sure to set aside some leisure time for just the two of us. At the beginning we didn’t do that, and at some point we realized all our longer conversations happened while in the presence of others. It’s not very easy without having a car, but it’s just a matter of working things around!

Anything else that you would like to share? Living in a Dharma community has been the most beautiful decision we could have ever made. Some years ago, we would never imagine that we would be living in a Dharma center. However, it has touched our hearts so deeply, that we don’t see ourselves living far from one.

Thank you for reading. Wishing you all the best until next time.

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My anxiety was at an all-time high when I decided to take an online meditation class on Taking and Giving. In this practice, you imagine the people who are at the center of the suffering— which was a remarkably easy task in April of 2020. I thought of the overwrought doctors and nurses working under impossible circumstances; of the families who were unable to say goodbye as their loved ones died in isolation; and of those who were in fact dying surrounded by overwrought medical professionals instead of their friends and family.

Then, following the teacher’s gentle direction, I imagined taking away all their suffering by breathing it in in the form of dark smoke. And finally, I imagined giving them lasting peace and happiness by breathing out light.

I cannot overstate how much better I felt after doing this meditation. My anxiety reduced, I was sleeping better, and I knew that I wanted to learn more about Buddhism. That class began the journey that wound up with me living at a temple.

So while the time in quarantine was great for spiritual growth, you know what it sucked for?

Dating.

Were any of you on the scene in December 2020? All the restaurants and museums and, well, EVERYTHING was closed, so your first date would generally be a cold walk outside. Your second date would have to be in your apartment, which is a pretty make-or-break scenario. At least for me. I met some sweet people and learned that my standards were very different from theirs. Like the guy who had a beautiful 2-bedroom to himself in Harlem, but slept on a yoga mat in his living room because he’d given both bedrooms to the three rabbits he was fostering.

I learned two things that day; 1.) that man is a better person than me (and I hope he finds the love he’s looking for); and 2.) a prerequisite for dating me is that you must own a bed.

Fast-forward several years, and my life circumstances are completely different, but I’m still on the hunt for a dude with a bed. But what does dating look like when living within a spiritual community? I share perspectives from temple residents below.

But first, I want to thank my newest paid subscriber, Andrea! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle.

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Kelly and Lars | Dating One Month-ish

How long have you lived in a dharma center? For Lars, it’s been 7 weeks; for Kelly, many years.

How did you meet?

Lars: Kelly and I met last summer when I was a volunteer, but we didn't hang out much then. I did notice her, but our paths didn't cross much. When I left, we stayed in loose texting contact. We only really got to know each other when I moved here as a resident.

I went to her GP class and we hung out after. The following day, we drove into town for some shopping and dinner, but I wasn't sure whether it was a date. I would say our first real date was a month ago after we came back from a Wegman’s run in Scranton.

Best thing about dating while living in community? We can go to classes together, have common friends, do volunteer work alongside each other, and talk about Dharma in everyday life.

Worst thing about dating while living in community? Lack of privacy.

Emily | It Me | Single

What has dating looked like since moving to the temple? I am currently on a dating site that was recommended to me by a nun. (Hey— she wasn’t always a nun.) It’s called dharmamatch.com and, as you can perhaps imagine, there are not many people on it. To date, exactly seven men have viewed my profile.

Honestly, I find that ideal. When I’ve been on apps before, the sheer volume of dudes in my inbox completely overwhelms me. This is not a problem at all on Dharma Match, as I haven’t looked at any profiles except for the three men who have “smiled” at me. The candidates:

1. A 45-year-old man from India who’s looking for a woman from age 26-40. Even if I wasn’t out of his age range (being 41 and all), the fact that he’s looking for someone half his age makes it a no from me, dog.

2. A man from SoCal who is one year older than my dad.

3. A man from Rhode Island who is three years older than my dad.

I have not “smiled” back at anyone, but I’m happy to have this cooking in the background while I get settled into my new life. As to meeting someone at the temple, certainly dozens of retreaters come through each week; but finding someone who is of an appropriate age, single, and straight sounds less likely than actually achieving nirvana.

On the other hand, probably only another Kadampa would understand my decision to leave behind my NYC life and move to the temple, so I may be in a bit of a catch-22 here. Will report back.

A Q&A Digression

I would have loved to share more dating perspectives this week, but several of the people I wanted to chat with are participating in a silent retreat right now, so that will have to wait.

But speaking of the silent retreat (heh), the temple had a visitor last week that will be recognized by many of you. She texted me some questions after, then refused to read my replies, saying, “Noooo these are questions to answer in your blog! I am not reading your answers here!!!!”

So here we have a brief Q&A with Anne from Brooklyn.

Is it my imagination, or are there more nuns on campus than ever before? If so, which nun is the best?

In terms of nuns who actually live here, we’ve recently lost two who have moved back to our mother center, Manjushri. So since I’ve lived here, there are actually less nuns than ever before.

That being said, there were several bonus nuns here for the retreat, so that might account for the overage.

Picking the best nun is like picking the best donut at Doughnut Plant. THEY ARE ALL AWESOME. But if I have to pick one (I don’t), I’m going to say… Suma.

I have reason to believe I was the lady at the retreat wearing the most makeup. When are they going to start awarding prizes for that?

I’ll bring it up at the next residents meeting, where I will be the lady wearing the most makeup.

At the World Peace Cafe, you can buy a “World Peace Muffin.” The oatmeal raisin cookie, however, is just labeled “oatmeal raisin cookie,” and the plain croissant is simply “plain croissant,” etc. What makes the muffin in particular a World Peace baked good? Are the other baked goods opposed to world peace?

Certainly an oatmeal raisin cookie could start a world war. Have you ever bitten into one thinking that it was chocolate chip? THE WORST.

I think what makes a muffin a World Peace Muffin is its intention. And what makes the croissant plain is its lack of rosemary.

My intention for the retreat was to transform into a 12-armed deity but instead I self-generated as a 12-block of tofu. Is this because I ate too much tofu?

Yes.

Cat Update

Jake saw a bird.

But this was actually a big milestone. He was playing with his pickle (as one does) when Lars came out of his room and went to the bathroom, which is a distance of approximately two feet.

Usually that would cause Jake to sprint into our bedroom and hide. But this time, he gave Lars a LOOK, but soon resumed playing.

Baby steps.

This is Finn’s completely unconcerned face immediately after he sucker-punched Lucy the Husky and made her cry.

***

Thank you for reading. Wishing you all the best until next time.

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I’ve heard people gripe that making six figures isn’t what it used to be. Coming from a family that lived paycheck to paycheck, it always felt like more than enough to me. I had a beautiful apartment in a neighborhood I loved, a healthy retirement account and a year’s worth of expenses in savings. I wouldn’t travel business class, but I wouldn’t hesitate to get that premium economy seat with extra leg room. (In a window seat as close to the front as possible, thank you very much.) And I never worried about the cost of any of the amazing entertainment and food that NYC has to offer. Not that I was eating at Eleven Madison Park, but who needs that?!

(I do. If you’re reading this, I very much would like to eat there sometime.)

Two years of unemployment completely depleted my savings, and for most of 2025 I was living off of my 401k. Now, as regular readers know, I’m living full-time at a Buddhist temple and started a new role for which I receive free room and board and a $285 a month stipend.

How has life changed after my income reduced by 97%? I answer reader questions below.

But first, a huge thank you to my newest paid subscriber, Neil! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle.

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What do you miss?

Some people will think that I’m crazy, but the number one thing that I miss since packing up my city life and moving to a Buddhist temple in the middle of nowhere is… the New York City subway system.

Hear me out, because this is a hill I will die on. NYC’s subway system has a bad rap that is almost completely undeserved. Are there rats? Sure! Is it overcrowded and does it reek of human excrement? Frequently! But will it take you to the most amazing experiences of your life for $3?

Yes it will!

Those trains run 24/7 and, for the most part, they are incredibly efficient. Whether I was schlepping to the Cloisters, the Village halloween parade, or even just a dermatologist appointment, I could get there with little to no effort on my part, and while reading a good book to boot. (Is there a better feeling in the world than being so engrossed in a book that you’ve accidentally missed your stop?)

Now I have no car and no public transit and I think I’ll never visit a doctor or dentist unless I am actively dying, because I hate asking for help and neither of those things are a fun reason to ask to borrow a car. So yeah, I miss the freedom and independence that public transit leant me.

And speaking of doctors and dentists, another thing I miss is having an insurance plan that covers the ones that I’ve built a relationship with over the last 20 years. When I left my job I was offered Cobra, which was over $1,000 a month. I decided to go without insurance that year, which was the right move; even when I dislocated my knee and had to get an MRI, all associated costs were far less than even one month of Cobra premiums.

Then I got poor enough to qualify for Medicaid (yay!?), which actually was a boon! But with Medicaid, you have to put in a lot of work upfront to make sure that the doctors offices you’re visiting aren’t health violations in and of themselves.

What is an unexpected surprise?

When I moved, I transitioned from a 750-square-foot apartment to a 100-square-foot room. As you can imagine, making that work required me to get rid of about 80-90% of the things that I owned. As daunting as that may sound, one of the biggest surprises about downsizing was just how easy it was to part with material things that I thought mattered to me.

For example, I grew up loving Stephen King and was delighted to attend one of his book launches in Brooklyn a few years ago and score an autographed copy.

I sold that autographed copy for 25 cents on the Sell Your Books app. Zero regrets. And not just because Sleeping Beauties should have had the tagline “A literal snooze fest.”

(jkjk I love your work, man 🥲)

The truth is that, if you have a roof overhead, some clothing, and you know where your next meal is coming from, the rest of the stuff is just… stuff! There are, of course, things I kept because they’re irreplaceable to me, like a quilt handmade by my grandmother. But I did not have a lot of trouble saying goodbye the rest.

And even after Marie Kondo-ing the absolute shit out of my life, I still have so many things that I don’t need.

I donated half my clothing, but still own things that I will probably never wear. Through this process, my eyes were really opened to the literal and figurative weight of my possessions. I felt this particularly vividly when hauling several heavy bags of my clothing to sell at Buffalo Exchange. I splurged on an Uber, partially because it was too heavy for me to reasonably carry on the train, but mostly because I was confident I would make my money back.

After lugging my treasure hoard up two flights of stairs and humbly submitting it for their judgment, Buffalo Exchange bought zero percent of my clothing (and were frankly quite rude about it). But thankfully there was a place where I could donate right next door.

While I was somewhat bummed to have wasted the Uber money, I felt the burden of that clothing quite literally lifted from my shoulders and was relieved that I would never have to bare it again. And now, unburdened by my furniture and other possessions, I have more freedom to pack up and head somewhere new than I ever had before. There are just two things holding me back.

Although my friend did move to to France with her cat this January… So really, anything is possible!

What new insights would you take back into the corporate world if and when you decide to return?

Big thanks to Nancy Valenti for this question. I need some framing to answer.

I was 30 years old when NBA Commissioner David Stern retired. I remember this specifically because he retired after 30 years in the role; so he’d had the same job the entire time that I’d been alive.

In the year or so that came after that, due to restructuring I was bounced around from one boss to another until the NBA no idea where to put me, and ultimately I was offered a severance package.

And I was devastated.

I derived so much of my self worth from my career. I was raised with the Protestant work ethic, and there were always undertones that your value to the world is what you can contribute to it. Which sounds great on one hand— I definitely want to contribute to society! But what does it mean about your value when your job decides you’re disposable?

Fast-forwarding to November 2023, I left Work & Co on my own terms, and unknowingly entered the most brutal job market I have ever experienced. But even after being routinely ghosted by companies, or being passed over for another candidate after a dozen interviews, I never questioned my value or my self worth. It is clear as day that the system is broken, and it has nothing to do with any of us.

I attribute this wisdom to both age and Buddhism. And that’s what I’d take with me if I re-entered the corporate world. If I can be content living on $285 a month (after room and board), then it’s not the $110,000 a year1 that I need. A job is just one piece in the puzzle of my life, and I know I’ll add value to any company. But will the company add value for me?

If not, hard pass. I have everything I need and I’m happy with where I’m contributing. My job is to help people enjoy meditation retreats in the Catskills. That’s amazing! Everyone that I work with has a deep-seated belief in karma, so the odds of encountering a jerk in the office are astronomically low. What corporate gig is going to replicate these peaceful conditions?

In Summary

If success always had the same trajectory, then any deviation from that path would feel like a failure. But when you take a step back and realize the paths are all made up and you can just do what makes you happy, it’s incredibly freeing.

Does this mean I’ll never re-enter the traditional workforce? Not necessarily. But now that I’m no longer beholden to it, the possibilities are limited only by my imagination.

Thanks so much for the great questions and comments. Wishing you all the best until the next time!

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I’d like to thank my newest paid subscribers, Alexis, Adriana, and Tom! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscribers help to maintain my cats’ lavish lifestyle.

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Before my first visit to the temple four years ago, I remember trying to temper my expectations. I knew that some ordained people lived here, so I assumed that the accommodations would be spartan and the food would be, in a word, bad.

But I was wrong on both counts! The accommodations were quite cozy, and the food was excellent— varied, full of delicious herbs and flavors, and with surprisingly convincing meat substitutes. (All meals are vegetarian, with vegan and gluten-free options available.) And don’t get me started on the tahini dressing…

Chatting with Gamo, a nun I work alongside, I told her that before I moved here full-time, I thought I’d lose weight because the meals were generally so healthy.

“You won’t lose weight here,” she said. “This is restaurant food.”

Breakfast of Champions

Before we get into the prepared meals, let’s start with breakfast. For sponsored residents like me, that is the one meal a day that you make for yourself in your home. Residents are provided with all breakfast essentials— eggs, cheese, yogurt, fruit, cereal, oats, coffee, tea, every kind of milk, and a few other bits and bobs. In our fridge, all the shared items are on the top, and each resident gets a shelf to store personal items, in addition to their own kitchen cabinet.

You could easily survive here without buying any of your own additions, and I generally do not want to be spending money on anything right now (that $285/month only goes so far after cat supplies and cell service), but it’s been interesting to consider where I will compromise versus where I will supplement what’s on offer here. It’s the little things, like I used to get cashew yogurt from Trader Joe’s (*lusty sigh* Trader Joe’s…), but the yogurt they have here is cow’s milk. And I prefer steel-cut oats, but they provide rolled oats. For me, those things are “nice-to-haves,” but the walnuts and chia seeds for added protein feel mandatory, so I’m happily purchasing them.

Lunch and Dinner of Champions

On any given day at the temple, meals might be needed for just a handful of residents or for a hundred or more retreat guests. Needless to say, a lot of planning goes into creating a varied menu with adequate quantities of ingredients, and on a budget. That planning (and a good amount of the cooking!) falls to Samatha, who has been kitchen manager at the temple for several years.

In addition to the planning, budgeting, and cooking, Samatha is the creator of the aforementioned mind-blowingly awesome tahini dressing, and also makes his own hot sauces that (braver-than-me) residents are often experimenting with. He also cares deeply that people enjoy the food, and one of the first things he asked when I moved in is if there’s a dish I’d want him to create, even if it needed meat alternatives. (Vegetarian tortellini carbonara!)

With the amount of thought and care put into each meal, it’s not surprising that Samatha and the team of cooks here churn out one banger after another.

Desserts and Snackies of Champions

I really thought the sweet treats would be few and far between at the temple. I forgot about pujas with tsog! Pujas are essentially a guided group meditation set to music, and for tsog people often bring food offerings that everyone enjoys together after puja.

We have a puja with tsog every week, and I’ve walked away with everything from a cookie or a cupcake to an avocado and a Krispy Kreme doughnut. I have never found myself wanting for a Lindt truffle. Plus there have been a few bonus treat-laden celebrations since I moved here just in time for the holiday season. But if somehow I was desperate for a little treat, coffee and pastries are available for purchase at the temple’s cafe.

World Peace Cafe

The World Peace Cafe is open between class sessions at the temple, and there’s always a little something-something to appease your sweet tooth.

As you can see, the prices are incredibly reasonable. I can even get a mocha latte with oat milk for a mere $4.50! That’s easily half of what I’d pay in the city. Even telling you about it now makes me want to walk over there, grab a coffee and a sweet treat, park myself at a table near the fireplace, and have a chat with whoever happens to be there.

Did I mention that the house I live in is conveniently located right between the cafe and the dining hall?

Cat Update

Both boys are adjusting so well! Finn can often be found parked on the couch like he owns the place. Jake is sometimes parked right beside him, but it depends on who else is in the living room, whether they are moving, and also (possibly) the alignment of the planets.

That’s all for this issue! Keep your suggestions coming in the comments, and wishing you all the best until the next time.

Before moving to the temple, I’d visited many times over the years and had an understanding of the lay of the land. I knew I’d have a 9-5 job along with some cleaning and perhaps cooking duties that come with the territory when you are living in community. What I did not anticipate is how unrelenting the work schedule would be if I didn’t speak up quickly.

This week I’ll share what my day-to-day has looked like at the temple; but before I get into that, huge thanks to my newest paid subscribers, Christin, Dale, Eleni, and Meghan! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyles.

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The 9 to 5

As a sponsored person at the temple, I receive free room and board and a stipend of $285 a month. In exchange, I work a 9 to 5 job Monday to Friday, and am on several rotas.

My main job here is in publicity, maintaining the temple’s Facebook and Instagram accounts, their printed publicity, and two weekly newsletters. I’m helping to get the word out not only about our classes and retreats here at the temple, but also for branch classes in upstate New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania. So some of my work includes fun road trips with teachers where we pop into local shops and cafes to drop off our flyers for anyone who might want to pop into a meditation class.

In theory, all of this work would take place Monday to Friday. Of course, there are lots of retreats that take place on the weekends, and I have to be around to support those classes (which generally run from 9 a.m. - 9 p.m.) as well. And since all residents are on call to support temple activities as needed, on top of the 9 to 5 I’ve also done things like:

• Open the temple at 8:30 a.m.

• Shovel snow ❄️

• Steward an evening class until 9 p.m.

• Shovel more snow ❄️

• Step away from my work midday to run sound and livestream a class

• Would you look at that? It snowed again, better grab a shovel ❄️

In my first three weeks here, I only had two days off. One of those was Christmas. I am a hard worker and know how to dig deep to push through a difficult schedule… but I also haven’t had a full-time job for over two years. I thought I was holding myself together, but then at lunch one day I ran into my meditation teacher from Brooklyn and immediately started crying.

Long story short, everything will be fine. (I am enjoying a day off as I type this newsletter!) It’s just that days off are not baked into my work schedule, and if I don’t schedule them myself, they will not happen. It’s not something I’ve really had to advocate for before, but clearly it’s a priority (my ambulance needs repairs!), so I’m on top of it now.

Oh, and I haven’t even gotten into my rota responsibilities yet…

Cleaning

Every resident is responsible for cleaning some part of the property. I am responsible for the living room and entryway of my house. Easy enough!

Lunch and Dinner Cleanup

Every resident helps to clean up the dining hall and its kitchen after lunch and dinner one day a week. My day is Fridays.

2-hour Commitment

Every resident has a 2-hour commitment outside of their main job to support another area of the temple. I had my fingers crossed for barista duty in our cafe, but I was assigned to work in our bookstore on Sunday afternoons. Which is also fun!

Temple Security

One night a month, every resident has a security shift at the temple. This entails locking it up, making sure nothing weird is going on, and lightly snoozing somewhere on the premises while having an ear open in case anything weird does happen during your shift. (Living with cats has trained me very well for this responsibility.)

I could do an entire newsletter on temple security. It reminded me of how they occasionally open up the Museum of Natural History for slumber parties. How cool is it to sleep inside a sacred space?! How few people in the world have had this particular opportunity?

But also, have you seen the Blink episode of Dr. Who? I was a little afraid I’d freak out spending my night surrounded by statues.

Thankfully, I found the Buddha statues just as peaceful at night as they are during the day. But what I had not anticipated terrifying me in the middle of the night? The explosive sound of snow and ice crashing from upper levels of roof to the lower ones, every 30 minutes or so.

Offerings

Every resident is assigned to help set up water offerings one day a week at the temple. I love doing this as, like all meditative practices, it is about your inner experience, and it makes my mind very peaceful. Even if I’m meditating alone in my room I’ll often set up water offerings before sitting on the cushion.

In Buddhism, giving is one of the six perfections, and the water symbolizes giving wonderful offerings, limited only by your own imagination:

At the temple, this is generally done in the morning ahead of your work shift.

That’s basically it!

None of those tasks is too difficult on its own— but, as you can see, in combination it is a lot! One month in, I admit I haven’t found a comfortable rhythm. But I am headed in the right direction, and still feel like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments and, until next time, wishing you all the best.

Personally, I always envisioned a temple being somewhere hot.

Which is, of course, not the case in the Catskills. In fact, there was a solid chunk of my first week here that didn’t get above freezing.

There is so much that I want to share with you about my new life. While some aspects of my day-to-day experience will certainly differ from yours, I think you’d be surprised at how (dare I say?) normal it is to live at a temple.

This week, I’ll share about the house I’m living in, including (very importantly) the not one, but TWO dogs who live here. But first, I’d like to thank this week’s new paid subscribers, David and Allison! This newsletter will always be free, but paid subscriptions help my cats to maintain their lavish lifestyle.

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If you’d told me in January that by the end of the year I’d be sharing a small house with five other humans, two dogs, and my two cats, I probably would have laughed in your face. (In a polite, Buddhist way.) And yet here we are. That amount of people and animals in one home might seem a bit chaotic, but please remember that I lived in New York City for 19 years.

This cute little house has three floors (basement included) that have two bedrooms and one bathroom each. There is a washer and dryer in the basement, and a shared kitchen and living room on the first floor. So everyone has their own space, the kitchen is a fairly low-traffic area (because lunch and dinner are served in a different building), and there is a tidy 2 person to 1 toilet ratio. All in all, this feels more sane than your average 2-bedroom walkup in the East Village.

My room

Before I show you my actual room, I need you to remember two very important things:

• I reduced my household size from a 750-square foot apartment to a 100-square foot bedroom

• It has only been two weeks

I knew I’d have to get rid of about 80% of my things to make this move even remotely feasible. For the past two months, I’ve been selling and donating everything that I could. (Side note: I still have a beautiful couch available to pick up in Forest Hills.)

After the great sell-off of 2025, I made the 2-hour schlep to the temple with Man with a Van and my friend Matt with the cats, and when my remaining possessions were unloaded into my room, it looked like this:

The temple provided me with a bed and dresser, but there wouldn’t be room for either until I was able to get a good chunk of this stuff into closets. Thankfully, my room has TWO of them— which is pretty much unheard of here.

Slowly but surely, I made order from the chaos. Two weeks in, it’s entirely livable, if a bit more cluttered than I’d prefer. But we’re getting there!

I’m feeling more settled in each day. The one thing I’m still getting used to is not being able to store all my things in the bathroom. I have a little space in the medicine cabinet, and most of my essentials are in a caddy, but I seem to forget something (my Scope; a hand towel) every freaking time.

Still, this is a small price to pay for an amazing experience. I get to do a job that’s meaningful to me, share a wonderful home with like-minded people, and I was able to bring my cats. Which brings us to our most important topic.

Household Pet Update

You met Jake and Finn in last week’s newsletter. Now you’ll meet the two dogs.

Sith Lord Odie

• An ancient Shih Tzu (16 years old!)

• Very lovingly cared for despite the fact that she hates and will bite almost everyone

• With her advanced age, it is quite easy to avoid the bites

Lucy

• Also ancient, but a Husky mix

• Obviously loves the snow

• Her owner walks her around the temple offices every day, where she receives treats and love from friends at every stop

Jake and Finn Update

• THEY SAW A BUNNY

• Finn is quite comfortable in the common space as long as there are two or less people

• Jake is comfortable in the common space with one or less people

• Both seem quite happy with the move

Thanks for reading! In my next newsletter, I’ll delve into what daily life is like at the temple— the work, the food, the surprising number of rotas (I believe I’m on five at present). Wishing you all the best until then!

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Here’s to New Beginnings

How many people dream of throwing it all away and starting over somewhere new? I think everyone has that fantasy from time to time. You imagine strutting out of the office, middle fingers blazing, then you’d hop into the car, put the pedal to the metal and never look back…

That is exactly what I’m doing!

Almost!

Sort of.

For many years, I had a thriving career in events and operations in New York City. I spent my 20s working in hospitality for the NBA, then did a 6-year stint running operations at a digital design agency in Brooklyn. When my responsibilities there started to evaporate (there being far fewer events and little needed in the office post-COVID), I left on good terms and was excited for my next career move.

And then this happened.

I had a year’s worth of savings before I left my last job, and I did all the things I was supposed to do; I networked, utilized recruiters, applied for jobs like crazy and leveraged my rolodex whenever I needed an in at a company I was perfect for.

It didn’t matter. It seemed like every week yet another gigantic company was laying off thousands of people. There were very few job openings and the market was saturated with candidates. When I was able to land interviews, I’d often speak with a dozen or more people at a given company before ultimately being either rejected or ghosted.

I’ve been very happy and comfortable living in NYC for the last 19 years. I love the city’s energy, diversity, art and music scene, the FOOD… (I may have to do a future newsletter on my rigorous study of its best desserts.) And Queens is the first place I ever lived that felt like home. Yet, as my savings dried up (and my Roth IRA; and a life insurance policy I cashed in), and after another dozen interviews led to my 30-somethingeth rejection, I knew it wasn’t going to be feasible to stay in New York for long. So I did one of the hardest (and best!) things I’ve ever done.

I GAVE UP! 🥳

It was incredibly difficult to let go of what felt like such a reasonable goal: obtaining a job when one is fully qualified, willing, and able. But while the interview merry-go-round has been nauseating, on the other side awaits a much more stable future that doesn’t make me want to barf: I’m moving to a Buddhist temple!

Wait, what?!

Like everyone else, I’d read and heard on podcasts how all of the most successful people in the world meditate. I started out meditating on apps in 2019 and immediately found it to be an eye-opening and wonderful experience. When my anxiety peaked during the pandemic, I got very into online classes that were offered by a sweet meditation center I’d visited in Brooklyn. As soon as they reopened for in-person classes, I started volunteering as a class assistant; then their bookstore manager; then ultimately their educational programming coordinator and occasional teacher.

They have a beautiful temple in the Catskills that I’ve visited regularly for retreats and I’ve long thought I would retire there, or in a community like it. I love volunteering in a role that helps people, and that work along with the relationships I’d grow would bring an important sense of purpose to my retirement.

My inability to get a job now just moved up my timeline by about 25 years. But, you know, I never did like to be late.

“So, you’re becoming a nun!”

One of my friends said that to me recently over brunch, and I told her that nuns cannot have sex or drink alcohol. “Even the Buddhist ones?!” Even the Buddhist ones.

I am not ordaining. (For reasons other than the lack of sex and alcohol… but also those reasons.) What I am doing is taking a sponsored position where I’ll get free room and board and $285 a month in exchange for my work. I’ll get to have a job that’s meaningful to me and I will by no means be rich, but will have everything that I need.

Life is full of surprises, and this was a big one for me. But I’m excited! And I’m thrilled to share the journey with you here, as I’m sure there will be many interesting adjustments after 19 years of living in NYC.

In the coming weeks, I’ll share what it’s like living at a temple, how I’m adjusting to having roommates and a 9-5, and whether I can keep my spending below $285 a month. (I pretty much just have to pay for cat food and my cell phone… Should be easy, right?)

And of course, every week I’ll let you know how both my cats are adjusting.

Finn

Age: 6

Adopted from: Bookstore Cats

Likes: Tummy rubs; mouse-on-a-wire; being held like a baby

Dislikes: Umbrellas; cats who aren’t Jake

Notable: Has a very floofy tummy

Jake

Age: 6

Adopted from: Beth Stern

Likes: Food; playing fetch; being an absolute menace from 4-7 a.m.

Dislikes: Humans who aren’t Emily

Notable: Has a specific meow he uses only when asking for cheese

When my friend Meghan moved to New York, her cat hid inside a pillowcase for several weeks and refused to budge. (Her cat is fine, and is a thriving and highly social teenager now.) Jake is a nervous little guy, and I suspect he might react similarly at first. Finn, on the other hand, I might warm right up the second he realizes how many people in the world would love to give him belly rubs.

It will be a big adjustment for both of them, but there’s a lot to look forward to. I cannot wait to see what they think of all the wildlife outside the window after years of only seeing the occasional mourning dove from our apartment. Imagine their faces when they see a whole DEER. 👁️ 👄 👁️

What’s to Come

It’s very likely that as you’re reading this, I’m journeying up I-87 with my friend Matt, following behind a rented Man with a Van. (Yes, I’ll have a Man with a Van and Matt with the cats… A Seussian journey if ever there was one.) A whole new life awaits me on the other side of that 2-hour road trip.

What parts of my new life are you curious to hear more about? Have you ever thrown it all away and started over somewhere new? Drop a comment below and tell me all about it!

Be sure to subscribe to make sure you don’t miss my next issue. A huge thanks to my first paid subscribers, Anne, Fran, and Xeni!! This newsletter will always be free for anyone who wants to read it, but a paid subscription guarantees that Jake and Finn will be able to maintain their lavish lifestyles. (Or at least that I can buy them some new scratching posts so they don’t destroy my roommates’ furniture.)

In the next issue, you’ll hear about my first two weeks at the temple. Wishing you all the best until then!

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